potpourri

So, I emailed my lawyer about my newest social security shit storm, and he said it looks like my file has been flagged because the IRS told them I reported income during the time I said I was too sick to work. This is true! What is not true is what they appear to claim: that this money was wages from gainful employment. It was not. Some of the money came from my employer, yes, but it was all PTO I had already accrued, which short-term disability mandates you exhaust before the insurance company starts paying you benefits. That's what the rest of the money was: short-term disability payments from Liberty Mutual. On the forms I was provided, they list Liberty Mutual as my employer, which is 100% not accurate. If I could just get someone to listen to me when I explain this, I would be fine, but I can't do that with the forms they're demanding. I called the help number listed in the letter, but got voicemail. I left a message yesterday afternoon, but I didn't hear back today. I am feeling defeated and hopeless about this. It's like no one wants to help you. Everyone wants you to suffer.

Speaking of: earlier in the week, I called my neurologist AGAIN to explain AGAIN that the doctor she referred me to cannot see me until 23 February 2018, and that I need medicine to help me get there. All the AGAINs are because every time I call and beg, she calls in one prescription for nine Maxalt (taken as directed, a three day supply) or 20 toradol shots (taken as directed, a six day supply.) My insurance only pays for so many of each, so I pay out of pocket for about 75% of what I buy, but because she's so fucking stingy, I have to ration them very carefully. When I called, I had 10 shots and one Maxalt. (I take the Maxalt more often because there are dosage restrictions and bleeding risks with the toradol.) She called me in one refill on the toradol, none on the Maxalt. I have one Maxalt tablet to last me until… 23 February 2018? I am panicked and frustrated and hurt and, yeah, fucking angry, because wtf do you think I'm doing, getting my jollies freebasing migraine medicine? When doctors treat me like this--and they all do--it feels like they're saying, “Your pain isn't that bad. Deal with it.”

Fuck. Fuck them.

In happier news: I got tickets for me and my BFF to the Museum of Ice Cream when I'm in San Francisco next month! I am really, really, reeeeeaaaaaally excited omg it's going to be Willy Wonka's factory with less chance of a grisly end.

Also, today THE WORLD'S SPARKLIEST SHOES arrived:

They're even more amazing in person. I feel like Thriller Michael Jackson. My sister ordered them from some online club she belongs to, and even with shipping, they only cost $16, and are clearly worth every penny.

This evening, I had a legit bipolar blowout. LOW LOW SEROTONIN ALL FEELINGS MUST GO. Right before we were going to leave to go to dinner, I just got really physically uncomfortable. I felt like my clothes were strangling me. I should have realized then that I was Not Sane Right Now, but I changed my shirt and went to dinner. I was anxious af all through dinner, with racing thoughts and lots of compulsive movement. Then we went to Target so my mom could buy GotG 2, and my crazy grew like those little capsules you put in water and they become dinosaurs. So overstimulated. I felt like River Tam on Miranda--I feel everything, I see everything, I hear everything. At one point, I legitimately had the thought, I'm just going to lay on the floor by the jewelry counter and cry, and that will improve things.

By now I'm doing better, not good. Going to try to sleep, hopefully better in the morning.

But first, I need to talk about What Happened to Monday. Spoilers behind cut.

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My first definite holy crap I want that for Yuletide this year. (I am also thinking about Arrival and Atomic Blonde and maybe Stranger Things, but the timing of season two complicates things. I have had other fleeting thoughts, but clearly they've not stuck. I'm so in the mood for George Austin/Sam McPherson post-series Popular fic and apparently I have written the only story of that pairing in existence, but that's a short leash to put a Yulegoat on. Make notes about Yuletide recs from now on, self.)