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carlyinromeSo, I emailed my lawyer about my newest social security shit storm, and he said it looks like my file has been flagged because the IRS told them I reported income during the time I said I was too sick to work. This is true! What is not true is what they appear to claim: that this money was wages from gainful employment. It was not. Some of the money came from my employer, yes, but it was all PTO I had already accrued, which short-term disability mandates you exhaust before the insurance company starts paying you benefits. That's what the rest of the money was: short-term disability payments from Liberty Mutual. On the forms I was provided, they list Liberty Mutual as my employer, which is 100% not accurate. If I could just get someone to listen to me when I explain this, I would be fine, but I can't do that with the forms they're demanding. I called the help number listed in the letter, but got voicemail. I left a message yesterday afternoon, but I didn't hear back today. I am feeling defeated and hopeless about this. It's like no one wants to help you. Everyone wants you to suffer.
Speaking of: earlier in the week, I called my neurologist AGAIN to explain AGAIN that the doctor she referred me to cannot see me until 23 February 2018, and that I need medicine to help me get there. All the AGAINs are because every time I call and beg, she calls in one prescription for nine Maxalt (taken as directed, a three day supply) or 20 toradol shots (taken as directed, a six day supply.) My insurance only pays for so many of each, so I pay out of pocket for about 75% of what I buy, but because she's so fucking stingy, I have to ration them very carefully. When I called, I had 10 shots and one Maxalt. (I take the Maxalt more often because there are dosage restrictions and bleeding risks with the toradol.) She called me in one refill on the toradol, none on the Maxalt. I have one Maxalt tablet to last me until… 23 February 2018? I am panicked and frustrated and hurt and, yeah, fucking angry, because wtf do you think I'm doing, getting my jollies freebasing migraine medicine? When doctors treat me like this--and they all do--it feels like they're saying, “Your pain isn't that bad. Deal with it.”
Fuck. Fuck them.
In happier news: I got tickets for me and my BFF to the Museum of Ice Cream when I'm in San Francisco next month! I am really, really, reeeeeaaaaaally excited omg it's going to be Willy Wonka's factory with less chance of a grisly end.
Also, today THE WORLD'S SPARKLIEST SHOES arrived:
They're even more amazing in person. I feel like Thriller Michael Jackson. My sister ordered them from some online club she belongs to, and even with shipping, they only cost $16, and are clearly worth every penny.
This evening, I had a legit bipolar blowout. LOW LOW SEROTONIN ALL FEELINGS MUST GO. Right before we were going to leave to go to dinner, I just got really physically uncomfortable. I felt like my clothes were strangling me. I should have realized then that I was Not Sane Right Now, but I changed my shirt and went to dinner. I was anxious af all through dinner, with racing thoughts and lots of compulsive movement. Then we went to Target so my mom could buy GotG 2, and my crazy grew like those little capsules you put in water and they become dinosaurs. So overstimulated. I felt like River Tam on Miranda--I feel everything, I see everything, I hear everything. At one point, I legitimately had the thought, I'm just going to lay on the floor by the jewelry counter and cry, and that will improve things.
By now I'm doing better, not good. Going to try to sleep, hopefully better in the morning.
But first, I need to talk about What Happened to Monday. Spoilers behind cut.
Oh God my feeeelings.
I love Noomi Rapace, first off. LOVE HER. And she was so, so excellent in this. I got past, “There's seven Noomis!” really fast because of the different Karens and how they looked and acted and felt, and I wanted to know everything about them. Saturday is my favorite, then Wednesday, so… extra feels. One thing that felt novel and genuine for this genre is how the Karens dealt with their sisters dying. In most films, especially action type movies, you have intimate loss dealt with in one of two ways: either the incident is in the past (in which case the Haunted Protagonist can show emotion,because (s)he hasn't yet become a hard hearted vengeance machine), or the action star just gives one aching look at their dead beloved, then turns their back and walks away, filled with smoldering fury. These girls acted human. Saturday screamed and cried when Sunday died, had to be pulled away. When Wednesday and Saturday die, their sisters are looking at them, horrified and in agony but not hiding their eyes because it's the last time they're ever going to see the person they've shared their life with. And the way the girls meet death, making their last words, “I love you,” and trembling with fear or screaming in rage--they are so human. And I realize that’s part of the point, but it was just something so unlike what we're used to seeing that I was legitimately surprised, and so much more affected.
The big “what the government is doing with siblings” reveal was not a surprise; as soon as they showed that propaganda video, it was obvious what was really going on. And I kept thinking, “Isn't this role really similar to Glenn Close’s doctor in The Girl with All the Gifts?” What a weird niche to find yourself in.
The final bit could have been set up better, but all in all this movie was interesting and effective, well written, well paced, and fantastically acted. 4/5, would recommend.
My first definite holy crap I want that for Yuletide this year. (I am also thinking about Arrival and Atomic Blonde and maybe Stranger Things, but the timing of season two complicates things. I have had other fleeting thoughts, but clearly they've not stuck. I'm so in the mood for George Austin/Sam McPherson post-series Popular fic and apparently I have written the only story of that pairing in existence, but that's a short leash to put a Yulegoat on. Make notes about Yuletide recs from now on, self.)
This evening, I had a legit bipolar blowout. LOW LOW SEROTONIN ALL FEELINGS MUST GO. Right before we were going to leave to go to dinner, I just got really physically uncomfortable. I felt like my clothes were strangling me. I should have realized then that I was Not Sane Right Now, but I changed my shirt and went to dinner. I was anxious af all through dinner, with racing thoughts and lots of compulsive movement. Then we went to Target so my mom could buy GotG 2, and my crazy grew like those little capsules you put in water and they become dinosaurs. So overstimulated. I felt like River Tam on Miranda--I feel everything, I see everything, I hear everything. At one point, I legitimately had the thought, I'm just going to lay on the floor by the jewelry counter and cry, and that will improve things.
By now I'm doing better, not good. Going to try to sleep, hopefully better in the morning.
But first, I need to talk about What Happened to Monday. Spoilers behind cut.
Oh God my feeeelings.
I love Noomi Rapace, first off. LOVE HER. And she was so, so excellent in this. I got past, “There's seven Noomis!” really fast because of the different Karens and how they looked and acted and felt, and I wanted to know everything about them. Saturday is my favorite, then Wednesday, so… extra feels. One thing that felt novel and genuine for this genre is how the Karens dealt with their sisters dying. In most films, especially action type movies, you have intimate loss dealt with in one of two ways: either the incident is in the past (in which case the Haunted Protagonist can show emotion,because (s)he hasn't yet become a hard hearted vengeance machine), or the action star just gives one aching look at their dead beloved, then turns their back and walks away, filled with smoldering fury. These girls acted human. Saturday screamed and cried when Sunday died, had to be pulled away. When Wednesday and Saturday die, their sisters are looking at them, horrified and in agony but not hiding their eyes because it's the last time they're ever going to see the person they've shared their life with. And the way the girls meet death, making their last words, “I love you,” and trembling with fear or screaming in rage--they are so human. And I realize that’s part of the point, but it was just something so unlike what we're used to seeing that I was legitimately surprised, and so much more affected.
The big “what the government is doing with siblings” reveal was not a surprise; as soon as they showed that propaganda video, it was obvious what was really going on. And I kept thinking, “Isn't this role really similar to Glenn Close’s doctor in The Girl with All the Gifts?” What a weird niche to find yourself in.
The final bit could have been set up better, but all in all this movie was interesting and effective, well written, well paced, and fantastically acted. 4/5, would recommend.
My first definite holy crap I want that for Yuletide this year. (I am also thinking about Arrival and Atomic Blonde and maybe Stranger Things, but the timing of season two complicates things. I have had other fleeting thoughts, but clearly they've not stuck. I'm so in the mood for George Austin/Sam McPherson post-series Popular fic and apparently I have written the only story of that pairing in existence, but that's a short leash to put a Yulegoat on. Make notes about Yuletide recs from now on, self.)
