if i wrote "infinity war"

[carlyinrome]

Thanos rolls up to town the day of Pepper and Tony's wedding. Thanos, all blue and pissy and powerful, gets there as the couple is at the altar, about to say their vows. He begins thundering about wrath and destruction, and he is raising his hands to rain down terror when Pepper steps off the dais, looks him square in the eye, and says, "No."

Thanos pauses, à la Ronan when assaulted with Quill's dance moves.

"Do you have any idea how inappropriate and *rude* you're being?" Pepper demands. "This is unacceptable behavior, and this whole, 'Aliens rain down hell' thing has been done, so take your floating chair and go."

And he does. And the rest of the movie is the wedding reception, with some flashbacks to the bachelor and bachelorette parties. Pepper smashes a piece of wedding cake on Tony's face, but he knows better than to reciprocate. There is frosting in his hair the rest of the evening. There is a dance floor, with both embarrassing and surprisingly good dancing (Clint reveals Natasha was a ballerina, and gets a hard elbow to the ribs.) Darcy gets to second base with Captain America in the supply closet with the extra cases of Scotch and the humidor. Good wine is drunk; the only tears shed are happy ones.*

*Shiny nickel to anyone who knows where that's from without assistance from an internet search engine.