the rain it raineth every day
Sep. 30th, 2017 09:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
carlyinromeSince Wednesday, I have been in San Francisco visiting my best friend since we were 12 years old. Nina is a circus performer, an aerialist and an acrobat. She's also studying fashion design and creating her own collection. She has training and rehearsals and shows and class and gigs. I cannot keep up with her ever, and right now when I'm all kinds of sick, it's even worse. My mood's been weird. I've been having lots of abdominal pain. Every illness option is engaged.
I went to Nina's rehearsal for her current show, a live circus interpretation of The Rocky Horror Picture Show, on Thursday, and then yesterday, the show itself. (It was absolutely amazing, btw.) Thursday night I basically passed out on the way home. This morning, I woke up feeling the wooooooorst, a horrible headache, and just totally enervated. I took medicine. It didn't work. I took more medicine. I got sick and weak, and passed out for a few hours. Woke up with less pain but feeling strange and fragile.
The last Rocky Horror Circus Show is tonight at 10, and afterwards there is a cast party. I am invited to both, and I so want to go. I can't remember the last time I went to a party. I don't have any friends in Knoxville, and anyway I'm sick all the time.
Well, I too sick to go tonight. Nina's about to go on, and I am at home watching Netflix because I don't have a life, I have illnesses. I got upset when I came around to the obvious logical answer to the question of what my evening plans should be, and because my fucking brain is broken, I locked myself in the bathroom and cried for ten minutes about how I hate my fucking body and I hate my fucking brain, and how my life has been frozen for years with no end in sight and maybe a backslide in the future, and I just am So. Tired. of this being my life.
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Date: 2017-10-01 04:01 pm (UTC)I'm sorry bb. I know the feeling (I missed a party last night because of my crippling fear of parking in new places). ilu.
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Date: 2017-10-07 07:29 am (UTC)